Here's a Thought........

Though I managed to forget this blog completely existed (I wonder if I should see a doctor about memory loss....how does one forget a blog?), I did keep a written journal. So over the next few days, weeks, months (years if I forget about it again) I am going to transfer these handwritten journals here......not that anybody will ever see them.........from what I can tell.....their is nobody looking!

There is a sort of safety in knowing that nobody follows your blog or looks at it, I can be completely free in my thoughts and really let out my frustrations..........oh where to begin!

I know......

Dear Mr. President...................

Dear Governer of Michigan.................

Dear Hateful, Conving, Spiteful woman who won't leave me be....................

Ahh, the thoughts spinning through my head don't feel too overly kind and so I think I will follow sound advice, if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. For NOW!

Look what I found!

I had forgotten I ever created this blog. What was the point I wonder? I suppose it was to give myself a Time Out and a place to sort through so many things, so that I could be a good mother and wife. A place to reflect, celebrate and possibly cry? I can't honestly say I know now. Who I was two years ago is gone and who I am now is a mere shell of that person, one I don't like much. I thought I knew what stress and hardship were two years ago, I have a new appreciation for what once seemed so difficult, yet I would gladly be there now than here.

I read through those few posts from what appears a lifetime ago, wow it blows my mind.

My last post it appears was written just as winter was about to hit almost 2 years ago. So many seasons have come and gone since then and with them so many changes. Most of the changes I could honestly say I could live without.

My once seemingly together family as last posted has been ripped at the seems. We are not a functioning family at all, and I hold little hope that we will ever be whole again. Deceit, manipulation, lies,vengeance, hate.....have ripped this family to shreds. Can we mend these? Will we be allowed to? How much more damage will seep insecurity into the very core of each person in my family? What is the long term collaterall damage to myself, children and spouse? I suppose now is not the time to reflect on that as too much is left to be done and the story is long from being written.

Ahh.....nothing like a trip down memory lane to bring out the pain of a new existence. Someday I hope memories will again bring comfort and end the sharp piercing pain of my life now.

My Baby Boy Turns 8